“Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did was wrong. But we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay about who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us…” – The Breakfast Club

For those of you who weren’t 80s babies, that movie defined a generation. Did it improve it? Nah. But hey, John Hughes left this mortal coil with no regrets, so what do I know?

Anyway, I lead engineering teams, and I’m good at it. Not saying I’m the best, but I handle it like Mike Tyson handled Nintendo’s Punch-Out!! – with precision, style, and maybe a little intimidation. My car? It sports a Decepticon sticker, because badness is a choice. Thanks for the insight, Michael Bay (and for wrecking my childhood while you were at it).

My heart belongs to my wife, my kids, and the fine people of Azeroth. Weekly guild raids are now limited to one night a week and alternating weekends. Priorities, people. When I’m not slaying dragons, my interests include: WoW, sports, fitness, fine cheeses (and the not-so-fine ones), and—importantly—knowing the difference.

I love Criss Angel, loathe the Masked Magician. Love Iron Chef America, detest Rachael Ray. I’d die for Little Caesars pizza, mostly because the less money I have, the better it tastes. That’s economics. Write it down.

Also, my dog’s name is Kyoshi. It’s Japanese. I have no clue what it means, but it sounds badass—just like the kanji tattoo on my arm. Shoutout to the Korean market guy who swore it doesn’t say “spicy ramen.”

But hey, you didn’t come here for my existential crisis. You came for the drinks. So, I’ll leave you with this nugget:

Spatula. Say it slowly. SPAT-CHU-LA. You’re welcome.

And finally, some wisdom from Steve Jobs: “Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren’t used to an environment where excellence is expected.”

Now go be excellent. Or at least make it look good.